You might not realize how fortunate we are as Americans to be able to celebrate love on Valentine’s Day. Before 1988, when I was a young woman living in China, it never even occurred to me that such celebrations should even exist.
During the Cultural Revolution and many years beyond that, love was a forbidden subject. We were only allowed to show our “love” in public when it was our love for Chairman Mao, the Communist Party, and the motherland. Even expressing love to an immediate family member would be criticized. Couples caught holding hands together in public would be humiliated. My parents would call each other “male comrade” and “female comrade” instead of “husband and wife.”
Gender and beauty were canceled. Girls were required to wear unisex clothing and have approved hairstyles. Feminine clothing and behaviors were not tolerated. Wearing makeup was not accepted. Youth were strictly forbidden to date during school years.
The girls were encouraged to rat out suitors by turning over love letters they received from boys. The boys would then be lectured by the teachers, notes were sent home to their parents, with their violations recorded in their STUDENT FILE, a secret document kept on each student by the government.
I was forced to apologize in school for being too “sentimental” because I kept a photo album. When I had a “puppy love” during my middle school and high school years I told myself to keep it quiet, as even my friends would turn me in.
Romantic songs and art were banned. We were only allowed to sing red songs to show affection to Mao and the CCP. The artwork on posters and walls were about collective love and loyalty to our leaders, never to family or friends. Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin and Mao were the focus of our directed “love.” For example, the lyrics to one popular song we had to sing in school went like this: “My parents are dear, but Chairman Mao is dearer.” Spouses were urged to report on each other, children were brainwashed to turn on their parents.
In my college freshman year, we were warned by the Communist Party Law School Secretary “don’t think about dating or marriage; focus on your studies to build China.” Of course, some of us rebelled against CCP rule, at least in secret.
Things started to change publicly when a romantic novel was published. It caused a national firestorm; the novel, “Love shall not be forgotten,” was about romance: a woman and a man who put their own happiness first in a society that values sacrifice. Finally, the dating bans and dancing party bans were lifted.
After I came to America, I read a book written by a defector and former personal doctor to Mao. He revealed that Mao engaged often in dancing parties and had as many young women as he wanted during the Cultural Revolution. At the same time, the powerless were being kept down by a party and told they should not live a “capitalist’s lifestyle.”
My family and I were eyewitnesses to the true communism that exists in reality. You see, the reality for the perfectible socialist man — is a place where utopian promises never come. It is, instead, a place of hatred, division, envy, oppression, poverty and suffering. It is a place where there is destruction of love, families, individuals, human nature and humanity.
Today, in America and outside of China, I am free to wear whatever I want; I can pursue beauty, express my feelings and opinions freely. And yet, ironically, I see too many young people in America idealizing socialism and communism. Just recently I was informed by a young Twitter commentator “You did not survive REAL communism. Real communist society has never existed.” This is a shocking lie and propaganda.
The real communism I lived in is the same one that has exterminated nearly 100 million people this last century. I sometimes wonder if the victims of real communism are turning over in their graves because of what many young Americans now believe. Have these real victims of communism been forgotten so easily?
Valentine’s Day is a time I will always treasure. I am happy to see people celebrate love. Love is a part of family life and individual freedom, expression, and desire that must not be suppressed or eradicated. So, I want to invite you to celebrate this Valentine’s Day with me, to celebrate one of our most profound, precious, and powerful human emotions — love. It is love that will keep alive the memories of those millions.
(My op-ed was published by the New Hampshire Union Leader on Valentine’s Day in 2023. The picture below was a typical wedding photo by the new couple holding Mao’s Little Redbook)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!
